Uh oh
by Meesh
Summary: Small little one shot Shenko fluff. Shepard finally realizes her harmless attraction to Kaidan is growing into something far harder to ignore. Rated T for some language.


Our snickers ring across the mess hall as I lightly shove him. "Ugh. Come on, that's just gross." His wide smile flashes to me briefly before he covers his mouth to stifle a louder laugh. We'd never say it aloud, but it'd be pretty awkward if someone caught us here. We're just good friends, Marines stick together after all, but seeing the two of us huddled together on the floor, leaning against the kitchen wall, would be pretty suspect. So we stay quiet.

"Okay then, how would Commander Fucking Shepard get rid of that thorian creeper goop?"

My retort is near-instantaneous. 'Commander Fucking Shepard' is an inside joke we developed a little bit ago: she's my alter ego when I have to be a badass who threatens everyone. Given that image, the answer should be obvious. "She'd punch it out of the armor."

His choked off laugh is all the reward I need. Victory sip of tea for me. Silence reigns supreme for a few moments, the humor slowly ebbing away. I lean my head back against the wall. We spend _way _too much time doing this; eventually the lack of sleep will catch up with us. He leans to the side and grabs a biotic drink. Ugh, so glad I don't have to eat all that extra food. Hell, I hate eating as it is. Comes with not having a lot as a kid...you learn to eat light. After cracking it open and taking a gulp, he looks over to me. "So, uh, you okay with everything that went down there on Feros?" I smile at his concern.

"Yeah, thanks for asking. I think I am. I mean, killing something that _old _is kind of a shame, but it wasn't something that was going to reason with me. I'm just glad those pesticide grenades worked." We both somber up further, remembering the civs wildly shooting at us. "Didn't want to kill any of them if I could help it."

He nods quietly. "Yeah, me either. I hope we stay that lucky. You know, having a way out like that. I don't want to think about what we would've had to do if they weren't an option."

I make a small noise of agreement before raising my mug in an impromptu toast. "Here's hoping we never have to make a choice that bad."

"Hear, hear." He takes a swig of the shake. "...You know, we've played it pretty close to the book so far, but we _are_ a long way from backup. We've got some tough calls to make." I look over to him and quirk an eyebrow. What's he getting at? "I'm just saying...try to leave yourself a way out. I've seen what cutting corners can do, and I'd hate to have that happen to you, Kaelia. Uh, Shepard. Ma'am."

Huh, first name. That's new. A tiny thrill shoots down my spine when he says it. I ignore it. "This a...personal observation, Kaidan?" He doesn't respond. Ut oh, he's got that thoughtful look on his face again. I poke him in the shoulder. "_Talk_ to me. You've got a little black rain cloud sitting over your head."

"Heh.. I'll try to keep the deck dry." The only thing drier than the deck was his sense of humor. I couldn't help a smirk at his retort. "Well, you already know the story behind Vyrnnus. How that ended. I'm thirty-two, Shepard, and you don't serve as long as I have without coming to terms with yourself. You also learn that...if someone is special to you, you help them. Try to keep them from making mistakes."

My heart skips a beat. Can't ignore that one. I can feel my cheeks heating up already. Dammit, why's he breaking the unspoken rule? I swallow a lump in my throat. "...Special, huh?" My eyes flit away from him and down to my cup before he can answer.

He hesitates for a split second; must have heard the wariness in my voice. Will he follow through with it or pretend nothing happened? I'm not sure which I'd rather happen, if I'm honest with myself.

"...If I'm out of line, just say so."

There it is. He took the step. Dammit, I need to end this conversation now. I shoot my glance over to his face. Oh god _damn _it, he's looking at me. In the dimly lit mess hall, his eyes are even darker. Easier to get lost in. Before I even realize what I'm saying, I whisper, "You're not out of line, Kaidan." Oh, crap. What did I just _do? _Quick, fix this. It won't end well. I slowly add, "But...there are regs."

His mouth tweaks up slightly when I admit it's mutual, lips quickly pressing together to hide it at my addendum. He nods. "I get you, Shepard. I don't make a habit of complicating the chain of command. Just...think about what I said about being careful."

_Change the subject _now_. _My mind finally cuts through the fog of deep brown eyes and flushed cheeks. I blink and nod as I force my eyes to focus on anything else. Oh, look: the vintage Alliance recruitment poster Ashley put up. Perfect. The image of the Prothean ruins on Mars brings a different subject to mind. "I will. So, uh, what do you think of our newest addition?"

"Dr. T'soni? She seems...nice enough. I mean, if you like the bookish sort."

I can't quite help some teasing; it's just who I am. I _know _the answer is 'no,' especially given what just happened, but it's something I automatically do. "Any intentions there, Lieutenant?" I regret the question as soon as it leaves my lips. Shit! Right back on the romance topic; great job, idiot.

"None, Commander. I prefer...adventurous women."

His quick and decisive answer triggers a sense of relief that silently floods my body. Well, that's disconcerting. Why am I so relieved at that? Am I _jealous_, too? Oh god, this is turning into more than harmless flirting. _Abort, abort! _My mind starts pounding. This is bad. I'm good at pushing people away and I should do that _right now_ before this gets any worse.

My body doesn't move, short of nodding so that he knows I heard him. Dammit! He clears his throat and shifts to stand up. I can't help it, it's involuntary; my eyes steal an ever-brief glance of that ass. _Gah! _I really need to stop that. I drag them up to his face and nod. "Retiring for the night?"

"Yeah, I think we both could use some time to process that. Goodnight...Kaelia."

That warm tingle makes itself known again, this time in my stomach. Ut oh. I wet my lips and nod. "Goodnight...Kaidan."

As soon as he's out the door, I gulp down the rest of my tea as fast as I can. The cup is left on the counter, since no one will question why the Commander was having a late night cup of tea. As long as I take the longer route, I won't have to walk by the sleeping pods. I really don't want to run into him. Well, not alone. Around others we're both perfectly fine. My feet clunk along; once again, no one is going to question why _I'm _awake and alone. Maybe even my noisy walk will distract someone from noticing him going to bed at the same time.

_Whoosh. Brzt._

My door shuts and locks behind me. The first thing I do is stalk over to the mirror and look in it. I'm flushed and my eyes are wide. Did that really just happen? I've had little crushes, harmless attractions, to fellow officers before...heck, some of them were even reciprocated. This isn't anything new. I'm thirty years old, I can handle - and subsequently _ignore _- a little hormonal activity just fine. _Then why are you breathing heavy? _My head feels light when I try to work out the answer to that one. I kick off my boots and crawl into bed. Maybe sleep will help.

Sleep never comes. I keep tossing and turning, my heart beating a little faster every time his words echo in my mind. Finally I sit up and grab a bottle of water. The cool liquid splashing against my face is a welcome jolt back to some reality. A second later it hits me: the longer I deny this, the worse it's going to get. Maybe if I admit it out loud it'll help...

"I may or may not be falling for my lieutenant."

Nope. That didn't help.

"...For Kaidan."

Well, now I just have those damn butterflies in my stomach again. This is pointless. I collapse back against the bed. Time to med myself up. I reach blindly for the sleeping pills Chakwas ordered me to use last week. I never did, of course. The first one pops out and I swallow it with a swig of water. There. Like it or not, mind, you're going to have to stop thinking about him and get some rest. My salvation through medication is slow to work, though. I'm left alone with my thoughts for a good ten minutes before I drift off into sleep.

...My mind got the last laugh. I dreamed of him, of course.

Damn it.


End file.
